Banter And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:00

No, no, it's Hess. Not yes, it's Hess. What? He just messed it up.

SPEAKER_06 0:06

No, go ahead. I'll edit that out.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

I'm very happy to be here. Thank you very much. That was a great show. Michaele, you're wonderful. Thank you. I see you. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_09 0:16

Well, as y'all surmised, this is another episode of Unstoppable here at a contagious smile with our lovely, sexy host, Victoria Cure. Michael in the background here. And our very special guest, Mr. Dr. Joshua Hess.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

Just Mr. Sir. And Michael, you know better than that. Shame on you forever.

SPEAKER_07 0:40

See, I we told everybody that voice. That's the radio.

SPEAKER_09 0:43

Calm down, ladies. He's already married.

unknown 0:46

It's true.

SPEAKER_07 0:47

He's married. And he has a man crush on you.

SPEAKER_09 0:51

God, yeah. Who couldn't?

unknown 0:56

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_05 0:57

Sympathies. I still haven't seen it. I still don't believe it too truly exists.

SPEAKER_07 1:01

So the chiropractor didn't see it. Just saying. Didn't have it.

SPEAKER_05 1:06

Also, I want to point this out. If you're going to a chiropractor to get your gunshot wound checked out, then it couldn't be that serious, could it?

SPEAKER_09 1:14

I I my wife busted out laughing because I don't do chiropractors. I well, actually, I only do my wife. But I come off that bed when she cracked my neck. It was hilarious. Man.

SPEAKER_07 1:31

Shut up, Faith. Faith and I almost repeat on ourselves because he jumped up so far off of that bed. And he was like, Oh, a girl can't crack me. There's no way. There's no way. And next thing you know, he's like.

SPEAKER_09 1:45

So now I'm committed to 10 weeks of therapy under her.

unknown 1:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:50

To recover from the neck having been cracked.

SPEAKER_09 1:53

The gunshot wound.

SPEAKER_07 1:54

Oh my god. And she was like, he's in shorts, and I don't even see it. I said, Yeah, welcome to my life.

SPEAKER_09 2:04

So we have Mr. Hess on our show today.

SPEAKER_07 2:07

And I can't wait till And that's a fact. Your podcast. I believe I'm not sure. Can't talk about it?

SPEAKER_05 2:17

I I I do have a podcast now. I'm it's exciting, it's thrilling, and unnerving, I'll be honest. It's really unnerving to produce something and put it out there, let alone to take the time to put it together and make sure it's accurate. So I'm in awe of you and Michael. Yes, you too, Michael. And putting this out on the reg in as many shows as you guys do. Kudos.

Building A Facts-Based Podcast

SPEAKER_07 2:39

Thank you. So tell us about your podcast.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

It's called Oh, That's a Fact. It's based on the idea that I was a teacher before I ever got into medicine. And I still feel like a big part of what we do in medicine is teaching patients about things that maybe they were aware of or weren't aware of and gave different names to. So this podcast kind of fills the knowledge gaps basically of what people think they know and gives it a little bit of twist. Like the first two episodes. The first one was on procrastination. Everyone hears that and goes, Oh man, that's that's the worst. That's that, I mean, that is the worst. It's never good for you. But actually, turns out maybe it is beneficial.

SPEAKER_06 3:19

Oh no, near the end of this.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

I'm just the research shows what the research shows. Or habit formation and why it is just so incredibly difficult to form new habits that are good for us. And why is it so hard to get rid of the ones that are bad, like the doom scrolling bit, which I know is now all over the place. People talking about there are ways to do this, simple ways sometimes to just get rid of it. Like as simply as putting your phone to charge in a different room. If you don't need it for an alarm clock, don't keep a bedside because obviously we're not supposed to be looking at it right before bed anyway, because of the blue light. Just put it in a different room and there you go. But there are other things we can do. And the podcast kind of tackles all of those things, and sometimes, like I said, just gives it a nice twist. So I'm seeing myself as a knowledge curator, if you will, of all the things that maybe we should have been taught in school and weren't a practical application for life.

SPEAKER_07 4:14

What about those that sit there on the toilet for 45 minutes scrolling TikTok?

SPEAKER_09 4:20

That's for medicible purposes.

SPEAKER_07 4:22

What word are you trying to say?

SPEAKER_09 4:24

I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 4:24

Okay. 45 minutes every twice a day. B I D. B I D.

SPEAKER_05 4:31

You are so regular. That's that's admirable.

SPEAKER_09 4:34

When I'm making a masterpiece in there, okay.

SPEAKER_05 4:36

Oh, you're drawing at the same time? Oh, is it paint? Paint by paint by numbers? I gotta know how you do your shade work.

SPEAKER_09 4:44

They're swirlies.

SPEAKER_05 4:45

I'm just saying, if if the walls look a little bit different color, maybe it's you're such a better drawer.

SPEAKER_07 4:56

You're such a better drawer.

SPEAKER_08 4:58

I'm a lot of oh boy. Do we not have on the air sign on?

SPEAKER_05 5:03

No, don't worry, Michael. She can edit all of your poop out.

SPEAKER_08 5:07

But I won't.

SPEAKER_05 5:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 5:12

Thank you, Faith.

SPEAKER_05 5:13

Bye-bye, Faith.

SPEAKER_07 5:14

Oh boy. So one of the things, you know, besides the fact that he is an amazing person, he is a good friend. I value our friendship. He's spot on. You two have a sexy bromance. I don't know if I should be a little jealous or whatever that I'm left out of this, but I'm jealous of the brance myself, and I'm part of it.

unknown 5:32

I know.

SPEAKER_07 5:33

Like y'all are just so cute together. I mean, y'all are.

SPEAKER_09 5:38

We're talking about his podcast. Well, that's left field.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Uh-uh, because we moved on to you, buddy.

SPEAKER_07 5:44

Oh, that's a fact. That's also his podcast. And it's a fact you'll have a bromade.

SPEAKER_05 5:49

You see what you did there. You you see what you did. Yeah, I see it.

SPEAKER_07 5:53

I did combined.

SPEAKER_09 5:54

Let's give her a hand.

SPEAKER_07 5:55

Asshole. So mean. That's not nice. Truly, not nice.

SPEAKER_10 6:03

Well, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_05 6:04

I almost couldn't help myself from saying, I'm not gonna touch that, but then I knew Michael would throw that one right back at you, too. So I I just I went silent and didn't say it. It's all in my head. You can't hear it.

SPEAKER_07 6:12

Yeah. But it's like the right after my amputation, we went to the store and I pointed to something and he's like, Oh, is it half off? And I guess, and I was like, Oh, oh, guess he's not getting any more handouts. Ah. Yeah. Right? No more for you.

SPEAKER_09 6:30

So, Josh, your show, it it doesn't, it doesn't tell us what to do, but it informs us, hey, these are things you might have been doing, or these this is new ideas.

SPEAKER_05 6:44

Sometimes it's given a twist on things that you already knew. Again, like the the procrastination bit. I'm gonna talk about power napping, which I think is probably gonna be way up your alley. Uh not just because of the sleep batteries.

SPEAKER_09 6:56

You're up my alley.

SPEAKER_05 6:57

But the military has been doing a lot of work. Oh, oh yeah, I heard him. I'm just gonna walk right over it, just keep keep steamrolling through because there's no way to get around that.

SPEAKER_07 7:09

Not with a 16-size shoe. Shut up.

SPEAKER_05 7:13

Wow. He put socks on too.

SPEAKER_08 7:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:21

On his own.

SPEAKER_08 7:22

No.

Power Naps And Real Rest

SPEAKER_09 7:25

No, not at all. So let's talk about that power nap. I would I Josh, I would love. Shout out, Faith. I would love to be able to take a power nap 30 minutes. But your 30 minutes is four hours. Right. And be fully energized, ready to go for the rest of the day, right?

SPEAKER_07 7:49

But but you power nap after being up for only an hour.

SPEAKER_09 7:53

I have absolutely zero energy. And then there's times that I'll I'll get on a roll, as I call it, and man, I'm down there in a workshop or I'm cleaning or doing something. And I say, babe, I'm on roll, just let me go. And I'll go right through dinner and and then have to, you know, oh shit, I got it. It's seven o'clock at night. I better start cooking dinner.

SPEAKER_05 8:16

So that sounds more like you've got an addictive personality because that's what my mom warned me about when she realized that I get hyper-focused on things sometimes. And I get a huge startle reflex when I'm suddenly jolted from that, or when someone walks into my space, there's definitely something going on where I just am so focused on what's happening that I'm suddenly like upset about like why am I suddenly being brought out of what I'm focused on? I feel like I'm in the zone doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and all of a sudden, boom, something is is really interfering with that. So yeah, a power nap is not supposed to be for that. Definitely not. But also, if you want to get back to the napping point, you do you need to nap? If you're really expending a lot of energy during the day, well, yeah, a power nap can be great. But if you're not sleeping well at night, or if you're not sleeping straight through, or if there are other issues that play different medical issues, then yeah, you may not benefit from a nap like someone else would.

Sleep Apnea Warnings And CPAP Options

SPEAKER_07 9:14

He sleeps through the night. I want to call Guinness because I've never in my life met anyone who falls asleep as fast as he does. He'll be in the middle of a conversation, it'll be in a sentence and then like that fast. Literally within seconds, every single night. I'm very jealous because he can fall asleep so quickly. And then he'll wake up and tell me what he was dreaming. And he just sleeps, and he has no problem falling asleep. He'll fall asleep in a restaurant before he orders.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Really?

SPEAKER_07 9:42

Yeah. He'll have the menu in his hand and he'll fall asleep.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Do you feel tired all the time?

SPEAKER_09 9:49

Yes. No, I mean, not every second, every hour.

SPEAKER_05 9:54

But well, without trying to diagnose you, I definitely would go get checked out and make sure that everything's a-okay, because there are several different things that could cause you to have sudden narcolepsy like that, where you just are suddenly out. And if you're even if you're sleeping through the night, you may be waking several different times a minute an hour even to try to breathe or get oxygen in. If you're not doing that, then there are different things they can do that might be helpful, not all of them necessarily meaning surgery or medications either. So there are different ways you can change the environment or the layout of how you're sleeping that might be beneficial.

SPEAKER_07 10:32

He even has a machine, but he doesn't wear it.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

So that's gonna be a big deal, depending on are we talking about like a CPAP machine? Yeah. So if you have sleep apnea, which is one of the most profound things that can change how your energy level is during the day, be really careful, especially if you're choosing not to use it. You're gonna have problems where you could fall asleep while driving. You could fall asleep if you're operating any kind of equipment. And if you're working, yeah, if you're working on something and you're using any type of saw or cutting or uh spinning device, that kind of machinery can be really, really hurtful to you. And then we're talking about some severe physical damage as well.

SPEAKER_08 11:14

You could look like me. Ugh. You're gorgeous.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

We should be so lucky, right?

SPEAKER_07 11:19

You could you're the one with the bromance over here.

SPEAKER_05 11:22

I know. Well, just saying he's great, but I mean, there's always room for improvement. Look at me. I did my hair for you. Do you know how long this took?

SPEAKER_07 11:32

You Jason stathomed it.

SPEAKER_05 11:35

Um I'm not saying I didn't. But no, go get that checked, Michael. I know you like to jest about it, but if there's something going on and maybe it doesn't fit well, have the CPEP fitting re reassessed. There are people who do just that. And there are different types of masks now. There's there are ones that go kind of underneath the nose called nasal pillows, and there's different styles of that. There's ones that have full head straps, there's one that go over the nose and mouth, has a full like mask, almost like a respirator or a partial filter. There's ones that go over just the mouth to try to make you to just breathe through your nose. Again, you've got different options now.

SPEAKER_08 12:16

Yeah, I put it away several weeks. No, sir. It's been a year, and you don't even clean it.

SPEAKER_09 12:23

Yeah, I put it away and it's on the floor. It's not on the floor. That's the mister that we had at the bed.

SPEAKER_07 12:30

The humidifier I got you because you were snoring. Like we could hear him downstairs. He snores so loud.

SPEAKER_05 12:36

It's one of the symptoms of sleep apnea, so that's not terribly surprising.

unknown 12:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 12:41

Yeah, I wake up with dry mouth, and you know, I do wake up a lot to you know, swig a uh a sip of water, get that dryness out.

SPEAKER_05 12:51

They have different, I think it's a resbin now, has different, I don't know what the capsule is called, but they're containers of I think distilled water that you can put in, and they'll that'll help to kind of add moisture to the air when you're using your CPAP, so it's a lot more comfortable. Is that a fact? It is an absolute fact.

SPEAKER_09 13:09

Oh, that's let's get back to his show.

SPEAKER_05 13:13

I'm more concerned about you. My show will do what it does. I'm more concerned about you.

SPEAKER_08 13:19

This is great. It's not great. It is great. Let's let's jump.

Pain Tolerance Myths And Research

SPEAKER_05 13:25

Since we're talking about you, there's something else too. If you're really uncomfortable, I can totally change the topic for you. Uh but you're not gonna like it as much, Victoria. I heard you guys talking on a prior show where you were talking back and forth, yep, about the gunshot wound. And I still haven't seen the splinter or ricochet or the I don't know if like you walked by a sharp corner and maybe it gave you a little bit of an abrasion, a boo-boo. But but you guys talked about pain tolerance, and I just wanted to correct the record.

SPEAKER_10 13:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 13:55

So I was of the impression before I heard you guys talk about it that women had a much, much higher pain threshold and a much higher pain tolerance. And just about everyone around us pretty much says that's the case. But when I actually took it apart and looked at some of the most recent research, womp, womp, it turns out truly why do we have childbirth?

SPEAKER_07 14:20

I was in labor for eight days.

SPEAKER_05 14:22

That is the ongoing, ongoing focus when most people think about pain management, pain tolerance. And it turns out men have a higher pain tolerance overall, and men have have a higher pain threshold.

SPEAKER_08 14:36

How is that even possible? Because y'all get a little man cold and you're in bed for a week. No, I was laughing when I got shot. You weren't shot, nothing went in you. The man beside me shot a good one. He was three lanes off. And I got hit by the bullet.

SPEAKER_07 14:51

And they all laughed at you and gave you like a little Hello Kitty band-aid that was the size of a pediatric nurse's little thing they freak your finger with.

SPEAKER_05 15:00

And I told you before, those heads are huge on the Hello Kitty people, and the eyes alone are enough to cover at least a wound the size of a pinky. So maybe it's a bigger bandage.

SPEAKER_07 15:10

Maybe.

SPEAKER_09 15:12

So that's a fact. Oh Lord. Men have a higher threshold.

SPEAKER_05 15:16

Now, I will I will also say this there are definitely some mixed studies out there that say just the opposite. But the majority, the bulk of the most recent research I saw and what I saw on NIH websites was, and take that as it will, it was showing that of all of the studies that were put together in a peer review, it seemed like men had a higher pain threshold and a higher pain tolerance.

SPEAKER_07 15:37

Okay, I'm gonna debate this. Because number one, I am a counselor for the amputee coalition. And all the amputees, first of all, there's never any arms, it's always legs. But why is that because everybody can save arms, I guess. But I have never met anyone that wasn't hospitalized for a week to two weeks after amputation. I went home the same day of my amputation and I didn't take the first pain med ever, not one. I have never taken a pain medication, even when they replaced both my jaws and put all this metal in my face or any surgery. I've never taken a single pain medication ever. And I've never been kept in the hospital for any surgery overnight because I always come home.

SPEAKER_05 16:17

So well, we've talked about this you and I off the air.

SPEAKER_07 16:21

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But I'm saying the pain tolerance level, like seriously, babe, you better chime in here.

SPEAKER_09 16:32

Oh, you're doing good.

SPEAKER_07 16:34

No, because you're in the middle of your bromance and your wife. So now you're you're the other man.

SPEAKER_09 16:41

Are you shitting me?

SPEAKER_07 16:42

No, now you're the other man.

SPEAKER_09 16:44

I'm pretty sure he's the man.

SPEAKER_08 16:45

The man. Karma's a bitch. Karma is a bitch for you. And I'm allowing this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 16:53

Wow. So let me validate my wife's claim. In her case alone, I I watched her in severe pain.

SPEAKER_07 17:04

Oh, that's gonna make him amplifier.

SPEAKER_09 17:07

The amputation. Right? And she will not take any payments. Right? Because she has other reasons for that.

SPEAKER_07 17:18

Well, and in fairness, the only thing they wanted to give me at that moment was straight opioids. Like that's the only thing. They were like, we'll give you oxy, we'll give you you know, they were offering me the like top-tier shelf pain medication. And I said, no, we never even filled it. I didn't want the scripts, nothing.

SPEAKER_09 17:36

Like, I never even took a but let let's let's just let's stay on topic, but kind of jump off topic here, uh, Dr. Hess.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Tell another doctor, buddy.

SPEAKER_09 17:46

Just for a second. My wife has been conditioned by a monster. Okay, not over a day or two, not over a few weeks, but months and up to a year. Okay, she was conditioned by this monster, having been beaten.

SPEAKER_07 18:04

Well, speaking of the martial arts in there too, because that that conditions you that's why you spar and all of these things, and that's why you practice your katas and your martial arts, it's not fist-a-cuffs.

SPEAKER_09 18:17

You do spar. Right. But when you have bone hitting your face, when you have fists, you have boots kicking you upside your ribs in your face, that's different pain threshold. Okay?

SPEAKER_05 18:31

You entirely. I agree.

SPEAKER_09 18:34

If you can see your face right now.

SPEAKER_07 18:36

He can't see my face right now.

SPEAKER_09 18:40

You were you were conditioned to take a lot more pain than Josh and I could. While pregnant. With with with you had your arm hacked off, him and I couldn't take it. We would have been knocked out. You were still awake. For part of it, yes.

SPEAKER_05 18:57

True.

SPEAKER_09 18:57

Until you blacked out. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 19:00

That's a mercy.

SPEAKER_09 19:01

Right? There's no way I I could do that. No, you know.

SPEAKER_05 19:06

Nor I.

SPEAKER_09 19:07

So kudos to my red-headed, gorgeous, sexy one armed, one eardrum. Y'all give her a hand.

SPEAKER_08 19:17

Oh!

SPEAKER_09 19:19

She deserves it. Truth. She's a warrior, survivor. She's more of a man than I am.

SPEAKER_07 19:27

That's because I hold your balls.

SPEAKER_05 19:28

She is the whoa.

SPEAKER_09 19:30

I love it.

Quiet Ways To Ask For Help

SPEAKER_07 19:31

Yeah, I'm the whoa, man. So now that you've talked about this, let's take this reflection off of me. Thank you. And let's talk about how when people come in to urgent care, ER, things of that nature that have been abused and say they have their abuser with them. What are some ways that they can, you know, convey to the medical team that they're in this situation? Because I was that woman, Joshua. I was the woman that said, I fell trying to get into my vehicle, but I have this huge bruise in the inside of my leg that that is the shape of a bootprint. And I'm trying to say, no, I fell backwards getting into my vehicle. And we know it's a bunch of baloney, but how can somebody in that situation at the moment talk to their provider in urgent care and let them know? Because some people have no idea how to get that across and still be safe about it.

SPEAKER_05 20:23

So this is always a challenging thing. And I'm not currently working in an area where this comes up a great deal of the time, but there's still things that do. And one of the things that you can always do is you can ask for a private consultation. So when you do that, most clinics kind of have protocols where you can ask the medical assistant who brings you in and does your vital signs, and they usually bring you in by yourself, but sometimes they'll let you be triaged or sorted out by nursing staff or medical assistant with the potential spouse or partner nearby. And so when that happens, you can ask for a private consultation, and they almost always have protocols in the ER. When you ask for that, they will give you a one-on-one area where it's away from everyone else and where it's just you and the provider. And when you do that, you can speak to them alone. One of the other things you can do is if you're talking to someone who's providing your ongoing medical history, even if your even if your your partner is there at the at the time, you can always ask for a social history update. So what you can do is say, I want to go through and document what sort of stresses you're under, and they'll ask you a series of questions that will lead into what's going on. Yeah, you and your partner, is it unsafe at home? And then it'll be part of the clinical record at that point.

SPEAKER_07 21:49

Right, but the victim is not gonna say yes. They're gonna, I mean, they're not gonna say yes, I'm in a bad situation, they're gonna answer or he'll answer for you. And a lot of time they they're not gonna let. Them be alone.

SPEAKER_05 22:01

Yeah, that that in itself is kind of telling for most medical providers. If there's a spouse there and they insist, or a partner there and they insist on being present when all of the social history and all of the discussion is going on, and when they're the patient is sort of fidgety and can't verbally say anything, those nonverbal tells are really big. Sometimes even just crossing your arms and just holding yourself and tucking yourself into a ball and just not responding at all is enough to have the provider clear the room and literally call security if necessary to pull the other partner out so that you can have a one-on-one with the provider. And that might be all that you need to do. If you just look at the provider and then you refuse to answer questions, especially if someone else is answering for you, sometimes that that can be all they need as a cue. And sometimes they may miss it.

SPEAKER_07 22:56

Yes, because I've been there many times where they miss it. And they just, you know, can you let her answer? Well, no, I'm answering for her. And they just miss every single option and opportunity. And they just, okay. Well, she's really upset, you know, she's pregnant, she's clumsy, she's this, she's that, you know, she's upset we ruined dinner by having to come here tonight, blah, blah, blah. And so I'm just trying to help her by answering for her. And they don't see those signs.

SPEAKER_05 23:23

Sometimes instead of using just normal descriptive language saying I'm stressed, you can kind of give information about like a functional uh point of view of view, like that those the stress in your life right now is causing some sort of functional impairment. Like I'm losing sleep or I have like ongoing chronic like stomach or GI issues. I'm experiencing a lot of what feels like migraines or headaches. Sometimes just doing that will key the provider into looking at those body parts. And sometimes if they see the bruising, if they see the redness, if they see the the wounds that are in different stages of healing and multiple wounds at that, sometimes that can be a good cue.

SPEAKER_07 24:07

Yeah, then all of that can help. Yeah, but then you have those that notice it and then the partner says, oh, she's very clumsy, or she runs into things and and it's overlooked, and then we go in there. But there is a proven statistic that when people come in to get medical assistance when they feel they're being listened to and that somebody is actually listening, that they're four times more likely to actually try and leave and get away from their attacker or their abuser.

SPEAKER_05 24:34

You were sharing something with me. I think we had a conversation last week actually about and never heard this before, that I can't remember what you said. It was only 10% of the time when you when someone leaves their abuser, do they actually stay gone that they come back? Is that right? 10%?

Leaving Safely And System Failures

SPEAKER_07 24:52

And then they return seven different times is the average that they return because they don't have in place a safety plan to get out and be safe. Because the most dangerous time for a I hate the word victim because they're not their warriors. Well, it the most dangerous time is when they leave because their abuser feels they've lost that control, and that's when it gets heightened. It's the most dangerous officer involved call for them to go on because domestic violence calls is the ones where the guy's out of control or the female is out of control, and it ends up being the most deadly. You know, when I went to court the first time, I did have an advocate, and I actually felt my abuser before he came into the courtroom. I was like, he's here, and then the doors open, and there he was. And the advocate was like, she can feel because she's trained herself to know, like she gets heightened and she tenses up. And she was like, her attacker is one of those who would come back and kill her, is what she testified about me in court because of the severity of everything. But when a woman is trying to leave, especially with the kids, and a lot of people don't want to admit that if your abuser is hitting you, it's only a matter of time before it's gonna be the kids and the and the pets and people like, no, it's only me, it's only me. He's not reached down to the kids yet. The kids see it. The kids, this, you know, and I say it all the time that children should not have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood. And that is, you know, such a strong statement because the kids see it. I did a book called Dear Silence, You Lost, and I opened it up and we had hundreds and hundreds, as you know, you helped me with it. And we had so many people come in and write, like I had a a little, well, he was a little boy at the time, write write to me saying, I hated you, mom. I hated you because I didn't understand why you stayed. Why did you stay and let dad hit you and slap you and beat you? And I watched this and I hated you because you kept me there. And then when he turned over 18, he said, I owe you the biggest sorrow, you know, apology ever. And his mom had passed away from abuse. And he was like, I am so sorry, because I realized that had you divorced him and left, then I would have had to go with him every other weekend and you wouldn't have been there to defend me. You wouldn't have been there to step in front and protect me. And so my whole life while you were here, I hated you because I didn't understand why you made me stay. But had you divorced him, I would have had to go with him and you wouldn't have been able to keep me safe. And now I know why you stayed. And for the rest of my life, I carried this weight that I never told you how you mean to me and I love you and I'm sorry. And that really was such an impact to me. I begged him to come on to the show. And he is, he's a wreck. He's he's like, I'm in therapy, I'm on all these, you know, mental health meds because I am living with a ghost where I told my mother every day I hate you. He said, I came home from school, she'd say, How was your day? I say, I hate you, like every day, because I knew when he walked in the door and the keys hit the counter that the shit was gonna hit the fan. He said, I knew that was exactly what was gonna happen. I never wanted to come home. I hated her for keeping me there. And then I realized after I was 18 and I moved out, and she still stayed because she didn't have anywhere to go, she had no money, she had nothing, that that's why she stayed was to keep me safe. And he's like, I live with that every day of my life. And my heart broke. I mean, it absolutely broke. There are ways to get out and bring your kids and you know, safe. But I just finished and released, it came out today, actually, shielded about how the government, you know, really doesn't protect the, I hate it, the victim. I hate that word. And, you know, if you're say, for instance, the abuser is in law enforcement, you know, or military, the rates go from one and four to one in three. And those are the numbers that are reported. So if one in three is reported, what's not reported?

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Exactly.

SPEAKER_07 28:48

Right? And then you have these kids, and the government turns a blind eye, you know, like mine never did anything to to my ex. They they gave him medical discharge and he gets money every month for the rest of his life at a hundred percent. I got nothing, no transitional compensation, no insurance for me for life, not a doggone thing, nothing. But he did, and I went after him. I had him dead to rights on nine felonies. And because of a technicality, it was released and I couldn't go back after him again. And so it's not fair how the system, you know, when when you are the victim and I was interrogated left, right, and center. It was all, why did you let him hit you? Why did you make him mad? Why didn't you just do what he wanted? You know, where were you when this happened? Who saw it? What time of day was it? What were you wearing? Nobody remembers that. I remember my my nose being shattered open and I don't care who was around me. I don't know who was at three o'clock, nine o'clock, four o'clock. I don't know what the weather was. I know that I was bleeding into my mouth. These are the things you remember. But they don't do that to the attacker. They don't do that to the abuser. It's supposed to be where, isn't it where they need to go after him? They don't interrogate him, they don't put him on the stand and make him a victim all over again. They don't re-victimize him, they re-victimize me. They re-victimize the other people. And that is not how this should be anymore. And the government does so many things, not all, but for the most part, you see it so many times. I watched the movie we were talking about, the Miranda Law, where, you know, it was a cover-up. And this is so often a cover-up. The good old boys take care of each other. We're huge advocates for law enforcement and military, absolutely. But every orchid has its bad apples, and I say that all the time. But even in my case, you know, my I had law enforcement and military, and they covered it up. And not only that, but I have a we talked about last night, and and I know you haven't listened to the episode yet, but you're a father. Can you imagine knowing that your little girl was being abused and you don't try to stop it, you don't do anything about it, you turned a blind eye, and then you take him on vacation, the abuser, you take him on vacation, and you help him and his issues, you help him get money, you help him do things for him. At the same time, you look at your daughter and well, you chose to stay, so it's your fault. I mean, that's what this is about, and it's heart-wrenching. And we need to, one voice can start it. You know, Rosa Parks was one voice who started uh a huge, you know, movement. Well, we're trying to do that too, because it's not, it's not fair because you go to jail, let's say if you even do go to jail, because most times they don't. On the average, most times the abusers don't. If let's say they do get incarcerated and they serve two, three years, they're like, my time's served, it's over. Well, for the victim, it's not. This isn't something we can say, oh, it's been two years, three minutes, four, whatever, and we shelf it. You can't do that. This is we have to learn.

SPEAKER_05 31:50

It's life-altering. Life changing.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

We have to learn how to relive our entire life in every aspect because of what somebody else did to us. We get a life sentence. And they don't. And while they're incarcerated, they get health care, they get three meals a day, they have insurance where not technical insurance, but they get medical care. They have a roof over their head. You know, we're dealing with all that, and they try to make us crazy. They try to say that, you know, there's something mentally wrong with us. And it's it shouldn't be that way. And that is why I'm so glad you're here with us for so many reasons, because we need to bridge together the medical team as well to try to help because nobody raises their hand and says, Oh, you know, I have nothing to do today. I'll sign up to be abused. Nobody does that. And then nobody else, you know, helps either. You know, you're a good old boy in a uniform who's beating your spouse, and you actually get the nerve to call law enforcement out there. Oh, hey, Joey Bagadon, it's how's it going? Did you fix your car? Whatever, whatever. Don't make him mad. He's had a hard day. Let him just, you know, we're not gonna put in a report, dude. Just, you know, take a drive, whatever. And then our hope of safety is out the window.

unknown 33:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 33:07

And we've got to do something to change this because it's not okay. You talk about one and three or one and four. That's you know, Joshua, that's your wife, that's your daughter, that's a mother, that's a sister. I mean, that's four right there that in some capacity in their lifetime will experience some form of abuse.

SPEAKER_03 33:26

Correct.

SPEAKER_07 33:27

And that is not okay.

SPEAKER_09 33:30

So let me uh Josh, Dr. Josh. It's Joshua. Joe. He called you Joe. If you don't mind, let me tag in here for a minute. My wife and I both were in law enforcement, and we both know training is without a doubt one of the things that a lot of law enforcement and medical personnel are lacking, right? When it comes to spatial needs individuals, law enforcement is severely lacking in the world.

SPEAKER_07 34:04

Like autistic kids, number one, number one.

SPEAKER_09 34:07

Because they will they will judge an autistic person as a drunk and treat them with hostility, and you know or they're in a severe mental breakdown. Right. And and you know, some some of those kids, some of those individuals you can't touch, or you know, they'll they they just can't process it, that they can't handle it. And that's not their fault. So, you know, I know I know in your field, medical field, that y'all have extensive training, but do you train for the victims, the the survivors? Do you train to to not nearly enough?

SPEAKER_05 34:40

I mean, the simple answer is not nearly enough. And this is an ongoing epidemic, and it I I think it's actually even worse than what you're kind of painting the picture, and that we're just we do a lot of focusing on just the women. And I know, Michael, you also have suffered significant abuse, and men are even less likely to report it because there's a massive stigma about a man being verbally or physically, oh, she used some bad words and made you feel bad. Exactly.

SPEAKER_07 35:12

Right? But that's not okay at all.

SPEAKER_05 35:15

Not even remotely.

SPEAKER_09 35:17

There's a universal sign for like I'm being kidnapped or I'm right.

SPEAKER_08 35:23

Or you can call 911 and tell them you're ordering a pizza. Like it's like this, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 35:29

Well, shouldn't there be something like in in the medical field that they can, you know, hey, this is definite. There's something going on here, and they're giving me the signal. You know?

SPEAKER_05 35:42

I think there definitely should be the equivalent of a PSA and general learning that that includes something like that. We're worried about diet and what we're putting into our body, but about what's happening outside of our body as well.

SPEAKER_07 35:54

100%, yeah. And like I've had so many people say you actually counsel men? I absolutely do. Because not all men are the man who did this to me. And you and so absolutely, because it's not gen, it's not a gender epidemic, it's an everybody epidemic. It's a it's a man, a woman, a trans. It doesn't matter who it is, if they've been abused, I absolutely will help them. And we talk about it all the time, you know, and I make sure to try to say if your partner, if he's hurting you or she's hurting you. The thing is, is that yeah, my husband's been very forthcoming about it. And it wasn't just one of the wives that did it, you know, he got it from his family too. It's a narcissistic buildup from before. And we've chosen to break the cycle so that we don't have to pass that on because that's crazy. And you can't see the cycle.

SPEAKER_05 36:43

Absolutely, and it is a challenge beyond all challenges to do so. So it really takes ongoing effort. It's not a one one-day wonder, it's not therapy for a year and then you're free. So this is gonna be an ongoing thing. And to that end, there are different things you can do in the in the house, kind of an ergonomic of a safe home, so to speak, to give yourself a little bit more physical re-regulation, like the way that you lay out certain areas, what's called a like a back to the wall. And I'm sure Michael recognizes something like that from law enforcement in that you want positioning of different furniture where you can see the entrance and the exit points, where your back is always to a place where you've got a good place and a good escape route that's always available. My wife and I, we we go back and forth now about who's going to sit with their back in the booth looking out at the room versus back to the room. And I cannot stand having my back to the room. I always feel like I need to know who's coming in, who's coming out. I I don't know if it's just a general startle response, but doing that will definitely reduce that startle response by kind of having that layout. You can also change like the lighting in different rooms for kind of a circadian rhythm using kind of like warm or low-level lighting that can also trigger your melatonin and make it more easy for you to go to sleep and rest and recover so that you feel like you're in a safe and warm environment. That kind of hypervigilance that we we gen generally tend to have when things go awry, uh that happens at night. So we want to decrease that as much as possible. And that's definitely one of the things that can and should be done. The other things you can do are like white noise buffers, things that kind of mellow out the sound of a room, even if it's sound you can't soundproof everything like I like to do with voiceover, you just can't do it in most places. But putting things around you to kind of trigger sounds and allow your brain to kind of stop scanning for different threats is really, really key because if your vision is taken care of but your sounds aren't, that can definitely set you off. And then, of course, the safe exit. You want to have a clear path where even if you're in a a still traumatic environment, you have a good subconscious possible route to kind of get yourself out where you're not feeling claustrophobic and not feeling locked in. That that always will will kind of represent a feeling of being trapped. So having that extra route is huge.

Microhabits For Confidence And Calm

SPEAKER_07 39:04

Absolutely. I even tell people to start backing their vehicle in because if you have to get out quickly, that's a huge thing to do that because it's easier just to pull straight out. And I actually had a burner phone that I kept in the vehicle hidden in an extra charger because he took my phone and my charger and I wasn't allowed to use it and we didn't have a home phone. And I would back that in. And then another thing is whenever I would go to the store, if I went to Walmart, you know, I would assist, do you want cash back? I'd get$20 and then I'd keep it hidden in the vehicle little by little because if he got a hold of my bank card, he knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. So you could do things like that little by little. And in the book Shielded that came out today, there's like literally, I think there's over 30 different parts where I broke down how to strategically and successfully do a safety plan to get out and every tiny little thing into how to protect yourself online, how to protect yourself with your kids, how to make sure your kids are safe, you know, making sure you don't take the same route every day, making sure that you clear your browser. And then there's even a huge section prior to leaving on how to get things done little by little so that they don't notice whether it's he or she doesn't notice and see this coming because that's what intensifies the abuse is oh, are you planning on leaving? Are you planning on leaving? Because when I attempted to leave, I only tried to leave once before I did. And I didn't make it out the door because he shot and killed my puppy to show me what he would do if I left. And so then I realized, okay, I'm gonna have one chance at this and I'm not going back. And so that's how I started, you know, to do things. And it's it's very drawn out. It's there's places in there for people to, you know, really learn the ins and outs of how to get out successfully and stay gone and be safe, which I think is so important. And so many people, and you know, one of the other things that that really just angers me, and one of the times I just did a global speaking seminar, I had a mom sitting there with a daughter, and the mom was like, Well, she chose to stay, she deserved it. And and long story short, I said to her, I said, So you've never experienced abuse. Good for you. I hope that you get to remain the rest of your life abuse free. But let me ask you a question. If God forbid, and and Joshua would get this, you know, really quickly, I said, if God forbid you got a brain tumor, are you gonna go to a podiatrist? And she was like, God, no, why would I go to a foot doctor? And I was like, So you'd want to go to someone who knows what they're talking about. You'd want to go to someone that you know knows what they're doing to help remove the toxin, help remove what's crippling you. And she's like, of course. And I was like, So don't you think you're being a podiatrist to your daughter right now because you're definitely not being a neurosurgeon. So instead of, you know, being the cancer, how about you say nothing and just be a safe place for her or offer her a hand if she reaches out for yours, or offer her some money for food or a hotel, or you know, give her a place to stay, or you know, if she wants to share, shut up and listen. Don't give the whole you deserve it. Why did you make it mad? Because all you're doing is re-us you know, reabusing her. And that's not what we need at that moment. We've been through enough. And I feel like we don't have anyone in our corner.

SPEAKER_05 42:23

Yeah. Uh when you and I started talking about this last week, and I said, I'm not quite sure how voiceover or podcasting, based on what I do with you know, knowledge creation is really going to be helpful. You and I were talking about what might work. One of the things I did was put together kind of a list of about 10 different like micro habits that that are really good for self-esteem or independence. So one of the things people can do if you're staying or going, doesn't matter, is what they call the morning mirror greeting. You basically look at yourself in the mirror and you have to say out loud, if at all possible, one true fact about yourself, one true thing that you know to be true about yourself of a positive nature. My skin looks good today. My eyes are clear. I am feeling gratitude that I can see the way I did yesterday, that I have the ability to do the things I'm doing, that I'm breathing clean, fresh air, that I know that I can get through the next couple moments. Just reminding yourself with that just morning mirror greeting can sometimes be just enough of a boost and a baby step to kind of move yourself forward to the next. Five minutes of what we call studio silence. So just sit in your total silence to kind of relearn what your thoughts are on your own, pushing the abuser's voice out of your head and just sitting with your thoughts where you are, just like you were talking about with the mother and daughter sitting there. Sometimes just being there, just allowing someone to show you what it is that they need, or just saying, asking, what do you need? In fact, my wife is constantly telling me because I'm a let's it's broken, let's let's fix it. Something's wrong, let's put it together. Let's put it, let's make this work for us. And she's constantly, and she's so good about this. She's telling me, Do you want to share and just be heard? Or are you looking for feedback?

SPEAKER_07 44:12

That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_05 44:14

It it really is because it changes the whole dynamic of the conversation. And then it it puts me on the spot and makes me stop just for a second. Am I really wanting to hear what she has to say about the things I'm sharing about work or in my life or problems with a friend or conflict out and about? Am I really wanting to hear what she has to say? Or do I just want a sounding board? Someone who's just going to take in what I'm saying and just let it go, just so I can get it out. And sometimes that's it. But there are some times when it's important to have, I even wrote this one down, is a victory log, writing down kind of the things that even if they are small, just something every day that you did and you did well. I I made the perfect cup of coffee. I dressed myself in a way that I'd never done before. Or I got up and I moved around and I had full faculty. I didn't bump into anything. I I made myself feel just one tenth of a percent better today by doing one small thing. And then real, really and truly writing it down. It sounds like such a stupid thing, but there's something really powerful about the act of taking a pen or pencil to a piece of paper and writing it down. And I don't care if you throw it out afterwards because you're afraid that someone's gonna see it, but writing it down etches it. It is a permanent reminder and a time-evolved practice that makes you really have to think about what you're writing down, as opposed to just dictating it into a phone and using a voice to text. Yes, that's great if that's all you're doing, but there's something really mental and physical about writing it on a piece of paper and letting it sink in. The other thing is a little bit of self-respect, hydration specifically. It sounds stupid, but drink eight ounces of water first thing in the morning. And I can all but guarantee you you will feel more energy than if you drink an eight-ounce glass of coffee. It sounds ridiculous. And otherwise, so many years I didn't drink coffee at all, and I'm pretty perpetual about my coffee. But if I drink eight ounces of water first, the amount of energy I get that carries me forward is so much more than the glass of coffee ever does. And just doing that hydration throughout the day can continue to get it kind of give you that energy as you move forward. And I that is incredibly valuable because that energy might be all you need to just propel you forward and make your next step of maybe daily movements, five minutes. Just walk around for five minutes, just a single lap around the building for five minutes. Get your muscles moving, get your body started, and your body will follow suit. One of the things we I think we talk about in this most recent episode was putting your shoes on. And that's the equivalent. If you put your shoes on, well, you're gonna go walk. You're not gonna just take them right back off. If you put your shoes on, you're gonna want to move for more than just a second or 30 seconds. You're gonna want to get something out of it. So that simple walk, that might be all you need to really go. And if you're gonna do that, you also need to practice saying no. Practicing saying no to something small, whether it's a telemarketer or someone says, Oh, can I ask you to do me a favor, hear them out and say, I'm I'm gonna have to say no. I actually have something else I need to do. And don't feel like you have to explain yourself every time you say no. Saying no to some things will give you that same resource of time that you were gonna give to them for yourself or for your future or for your children and their future, or thinking about how you're gonna separate yourself a little bit further today and prepare yourself to move forward away from that abuser. Also, digital hygiene, you were talking about deleting a negative comment. And if it's a negative comment that they've left you via text, delete the text. Delete the text. It doesn't show to them. They can't see, they don't know. And so doing that can clean your environment. Also, you were talking about putting money away. I think that's incredibly valuable, even if it's only one to five dollars a week. It doesn't sound like a lot, especially now, but that all adds up. It's also gonna change your mindset about the way you're gonna invest in your future. And that's what that is. It's not just saving money, you're putting money aside so you can invest in a future where you can feel comfortable, where you feel like you've got something worthwhile to save for. And that also is gonna get in your mind because then you really are gonna think about what's next. Like, what's the next step I need to take? And that's when they can go to someone like you or Michael and and they can kind of correct that internal voiceover that you have. Stop saying you're stupid. Stop saying I can't do it. Uh Marcy likes to remind me frequently, it's not I can't do it. It's I can't do it yet. I can't do it just now. And that doesn't mean I'm not going to. Again, I'm not producing the podcast on a more frequent basis that I really want. It's not as consistent as I like yet. And that's gonna happen. And I'm gonna be willing to give myself the grace for now to let me do that because actually I'm learning is a powerful, powerful set of phrases, or I I can't do it is so much better than I'm stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm I'm stupid about that thing. So I'm gonna learn. And when I have, I'm then gonna do it, and I'm gonna do it well. And then one of the last things that I really wanted to mention about this, and I I pulled it up on the list too, is it's called breath work or box breathing. I don't know if you've ever talked about this with your audience, but the idea of giving yourself the time to breathe, yes, but doing it for a sustained amount of time, just four, four quick successions of inhaling for four seconds, holding that breath for four seconds, exhaling for four more seconds, and then holding it without breath for four seconds, and then rinsing and repeat. That slows everything down. Things like that that are microhabits get you back to a good baseline where suddenly your mind's gonna clear. You can do more, you can save more, you can act more, you can think more clearly about what you need to do and how you need to do it. That includes if you're in the middle of engaging with someone, do slow, even if it's a two seconds of box breathing, that slowing and focused breathing is gonna give you all the time that you need to really plan your next step. Sometimes I feel like that's all we really need. And I know for me, I get I get in my head. I just get in my head. And sometimes that breathing or going back to a baseline really settles you down and lets you think, okay, I need to move forward. What am I gonna do now?

SPEAKER_07 50:32

Absolutely. He has such good advice. Yes, he does. Yes.

SPEAKER_09 50:39

I think I'll try the water bit for the energy, the box breathing.

SPEAKER_07 50:44

Well, I tell people all the time to, even in the middle of an attack, just breathe for two. Because, you know, you don't want to give them any symptoms or any idea of what you're doing, because it could look like to an attacker at that moment that you're getting ready to rile up because you're breathing in. So just do it for two because it doesn't look like such a huge, you know, like you're bowing up at, you know, when a two count versus a four or an eight, a two count really just makes kind of like a shock look, not necessarily I'm gonna bow up at you and and escalate the situation. And then also I tell people with what you said about the writing something down, put it on a posty note and then put it in your vehicle or put it, you know, in your glove box, or put it in in your, you know, in the console. And then, you know, it's less likely to be found there. So put it in there. Or better yet, even I had someone say to me, I did what you said, but I took it a step further. I I did a little posty note every day for a week just to say, you know, I'm not gonna do this every day. I did it for a week and I did seven of them and I put them inside of the operator manual of my vehicle's glove box.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

Love that.

SPEAKER_07 51:47

And I was like, that is phenomenal. Like she's like, because who you know, a man is not gonna go in there and look at the operating manual and the glove boxes. She's like, so I have them in there, and when I'm at a red light or I have to run to do something for him, I pull them all out because they're together, and I flip through them like a flip book, and there's just seven. Absolutely. I'm like, that's phenomenal. I love that idea. I love that concept.

Humor Break And Daily Momentum

SPEAKER_05 52:07

I would go a step further. I think I think she's actually got it down even further and better than what what we talked about before, which is I think going back and even reading one of those, but just rereading that win is huge. And we need that. We all need that. Yes. Sometimes that's again enough just to carry you.

SPEAKER_07 52:25

Right. 100%. Faith asked me if you've asked my husband yet about the uh pregnancy.

SPEAKER_05 52:32

You know, I didn't I didn't want to push it because I know we're getting close to you know the third trimester now. And I know this is a challenging time for most expecting fathers. And I, you know what, I want to give you the floor, Michael. How are you feeling? What do you need from us?

SPEAKER_09 52:48

Uh you you've got jokes. This is great. Uh so for those of y'all who don't know, six foot one, 280 pounds.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

I have a good of glorious solid rock.

unknown 53:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_09 53:02

Well, part of it was taken away because of the gun.

unknown 53:06

Oh my lord.

SPEAKER_09 53:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 53:08

He wants to know how the babies are.

SPEAKER_09 53:09

I'm not pregnant.

SPEAKER_05 53:11

Multiples?

SPEAKER_07 53:12

You didn't quad. Quad.

SPEAKER_05 53:14

Get out.

SPEAKER_09 53:15

No man has inseminated anything in this body.

SPEAKER_05 53:18

You mean a woman inseminated you? That's amazing.

SPEAKER_09 53:21

Right. Right? That would be a miracle. That's what the turkey booster was for. Dr. Josh Joe, and I do like your put your shoes on. Fact, right?

SPEAKER_05 53:34

Because there's I appreciate that you're attributing it to me, but I gotta say, it's actually not me, it's a therapist I was seeing. Well, you know, I was telling her I was having problems, and I told her I was gonna steal it, and she said it's yours.

SPEAKER_07 53:44

So reflecting. No, I like because you don't want faith to get him on your our side and give you a hard time, which she has begged for him to do.

SPEAKER_09 53:54

Well, I mean, there was there was an admiral, William McWe David. An admiral that read neck gave a speech about making your bed. And I'm sure you've heard I've read it.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

I have I've read it, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 54:09

It's phenomenal. And who who who would thunk that you could talk that long about making your bed? But it's it's the same principle that Dr. Joe just put out because there's many days there Joseph that I'll just go in in my house slippers. And pajamas. And pajamas.

SPEAKER_05 54:32

Hey, hey, I I give all credit to I mean, if Hello Kitty's your thing, Hello Kitty's your thing. I don't think you should be ashamed of that, Michael. And you should wear it loud and proud.

SPEAKER_07 54:41

Right?

SPEAKER_09 54:42

Shout out to Monk Sticky for wearing pajamas.

SPEAKER_07 54:44

Every day he holds the NSF Book of World Records, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 54:47

Yeah, yeah. Yes, but yeah, there, you know, if I just wear my slippers, I'm not going outside. I'm not, I'm gonna be lazy today, you know. But if I put on my shoes, hey, I'm motivated to to do something, you know. So you're you're you're absolutely correct, sir. I commend you.

SPEAKER_07 55:04

Please don't let him affect our good friendship.

SPEAKER_05 55:08

I I feel like he already has. I mean, just the fact that we're always so concerned about his unborn, I mean, that that really takes away from it. So I would love to tell you otherwise, Victoria, but I I can't.

SPEAKER_07 55:20

I mean, I'm so hurt because I value my relationship with Joshua, right? Not Joe.

SPEAKER_09 55:27

I have star I did start okay, one day I took the dog out for a walk around.

SPEAKER_07 55:33

And he ate a salad, and then the next day he went to Costco and ate a foot-long hot dog, and then a huge thing of chips and salsa cheese dip and burritos and enchiladas for Mexican within an hour after the big hot dog. And you now know why I don't eat meat.

SPEAKER_09 55:51

And where are we going tonight for dinner?

SPEAKER_07 55:54

Mexican. But it's but I eat grilled chicken and you eat maybe you want to rethink that.

SPEAKER_05 56:00

Maybe you should go do like a chuscoderia, like one of the Brazilian restaurants where they walk around with 12 different types of poultry and different different meats. That way you can kind of sample what you like and he can have what he wants. Plus, the salad bar, most of those are just I don't know why. It's like an unkept secret. I don't know why, but they're so good.

GLP-1s Appetite And Body Image

SPEAKER_09 56:19

Is that right?

SPEAKER_05 56:21

Truth.

SPEAKER_07 56:22

No, I have to be good. I'm doing very well. I'm on my GLP one and I openly discuss that and say I'm doing very well. I never want to eat though, I'm never hungry.

SPEAKER_05 56:29

I'm gonna say, how soon did that start affecting you? I'm curious because I don't have much experience with that.

SPEAKER_07 56:34

I have been on it for I was very fresh. It's it's expensive, number one. And then they tell you that it can take anywhere from six to eight weeks to start making a difference to take it. So I was on it for eight weeks, and at one point the compound they sent me dropped my blood sugar dangerously low. And so I reached out to them and they said, Oh, you're not as big as we thought. So, oops. So I was like, Nope. So I canceled that and went to a different company. And they actually I started their injections this week, and he's like, Oh, they're pink, because they put B B12 in them. And so I am on week nine, isn't that about right? Week nine or ten.

SPEAKER_09 57:13

Oh, this new one?

SPEAKER_07 57:14

No, all together. Yeah, yeah. I'm on like week nine or ten, no, ten.

SPEAKER_05 57:18

And how many weeks in did you start feeling less of an appetite?

SPEAKER_07 57:22

Two or three.

SPEAKER_08 57:23

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:23

Oh wow. Early on, okay.

SPEAKER_07 57:25

Yeah. But with the first company I work with, I always felt like my throat was closing because it it was just that was the one side effect I had. Um, this one's not so bad. I don't feel so bleh on shot theory. Blech on sound effects.

SPEAKER_05 57:39

That's the technical term.

SPEAKER_07 57:40

That's the technical term, right? And then they say that you once you hit past week eight, you start dropping rather quickly. They don't give you an exact weight amount every week you lose. But I I'm hoping by end of April I'll be at my goal. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_09 57:58

And what's that number?

SPEAKER_07 58:00

Kiss my ass.

SPEAKER_09 58:00

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_07 58:01

Yeah, that's that's the goal.

SPEAKER_05 58:08

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 58:09

Yes. But see, like he saw somebody yesterday and I asked him, I said, what do you think she weighs? Okay. And he he was like, Oh, I don't know. I said, Well, as a cop and you had to guess her weight, what would you write? And he was like, Oh, 145. I knew this woman's weight. She was 265. Okay. So my close. Right. So then he was like, Well, you're like 15 pounds smaller than her. And I was like, wait, what fell out of your face?

SPEAKER_01 58:35

Ouch.

SPEAKER_07 58:37

What fell out of your face? I said, I look like I'm 265.

SPEAKER_09 58:40

No, no, I that's not what I said.

SPEAKER_07 58:42

What fell out of your face?

SPEAKER_09 58:43

That's what you said.

SPEAKER_07 58:44

Oh, you said I look like I'm 145 or 130. And I'm like, but you thought she looked 145. So you thought you thought I looked like her. No. Then that doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_09 58:56

You're like a foot and a half taller than she was. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It does matter. How size matters, woman.

SPEAKER_07 59:05

Huh?

SPEAKER_09 59:06

How tall was she?

SPEAKER_07 59:07

Like five one.

SPEAKER_03 59:10

And how tall are you?

SPEAKER_07 59:12

Five eight.

SPEAKER_03 59:14

A half foot taller. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 59:16

Okay, so that would be, you know, they average five pounds per inch. So that would be 35 pounds. Yeah, you know, men have the most screwed up way of counting. I don't even want to hear you.

SPEAKER_05 59:28

One, two, skip a few, 99 a hundred. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_07 59:32

But I mean, I was like, I don't look like that. You know, I'm very weight conscious. I openly admit I have body dysphoria. I know I do. But I mean, my husband's like, oh, okay. But now, in all fairness, when I dated my husband back 25 years ago, he told me if I gained any weight, cut my hair, or got any tattoos, he would he would dump me. Is what he said to me back then. And I worked out like a banshee. I was I was addicted to the gym like people are to drugs. I went twice a day. When I traveled, I had to stay in a hotel with the gym. I walked the steps. I didn't take an elevator. I never cut my hair. It was down past my thighs. And I was because I knew the day I met him he was it. Little did I know he was soiling his oats in anybody with a pulse and a breast. So, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:20

A single? Not two?

SPEAKER_07 1:00:22

Oh no, he, yeah, well, maybe single. But I mean, yeah, he he yeah, he soiled his oats in every United Nation country while we were together back in the day.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:33

Let's talk about that in coming to America.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:38

Go ahead. Soil soil your royal oats.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:41

There you go. See he was a whore. You were a whore. We were talking about your weight.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:48

And then we were yeah, we didn't go out to left field because you told me when we dated back then I wasn't allowed to gain any. That was a real prick thing to say. And I didn't gain an ounce. Like I was obsessed, obsessed with my weight back then.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:02

Well, that's not great either.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:04

I know, but I wanted to make him happy and keep him happy. And little did I know everybody else was keeping him happy too.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:10

Uh strength in numbers question mark.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:13

Are you kidding me? Now he's on your side. This is the bromance bullshit.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:20

Well, well, if he steps out on you, he and I are gonna have words, strong words.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:24

Right. Faith keeps scissors in her purse and said, I'm gonna show you what Baba did wrong if you cheat on my mother. Did you hear him though? I'm keeping that soundpiece. If you step out on her. Right. Yeah. I'm keeping that soundpiece.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:38

You're not Mormon, are you?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:40

Nope.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:42

Would it matter? I'd still have words with you if I were Mormon.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:49

I've been married before.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:53

He means at one time. At the same time.

Academy Scholarships And Survivor Courses

SPEAKER_05 1:01:55

Oh, no, I've never been married to multiple people. One one at a time is plenty, thanks.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:02

More than one woman at a time?

SPEAKER_09 1:02:03

So for those of y'all curious about Victoria Cure.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:07

Oh, come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:08

Doctorates Victoria Cure.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:10

You know what? I have your six. How about you have mine?

SPEAKER_09 1:02:13

Three doctorates.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:14

Shut up.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:16

It's impressive. Take it.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:17

Three doctorates.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:18

Okay, so we were just on the cover of Podcast Magazine for I don't want you to talk about me. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:24

Y'all hush chat. Hope me at Victoria Cure.com and check out her books. Some most most of her books are there. There are some not there that are on Amazon. Now you may proceed.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:39

How many have you read?

SPEAKER_09 1:02:41

You might proceed.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:42

How many have you read?

SPEAKER_09 1:02:43

You might proceed.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:44

He hasn't read them.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:45

You're right, too damn many. Too damn fast, woman. How many books have you written? One-handed. One-handed?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:52

Are you at 11 or 12?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:54

What books? Oh no. I'm at 51.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:59

What?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:02

You've written 51?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:03

Yeah, they're not all out yet because I just finished the stucco squad series. Book one has just come out in the stucco squad series for kids, but I just got shielded that came out. I've done five books this year since January 1. And then I'm collaborating on five more book collaborations that'll be out this year.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:19

Wow. And then I'm sorry, can we go back to the 51 that you're worried about him talking about how many degrees and the how educated and well spoken you are? You're not willing to let him.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:32

Huh?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:33

But but you're you're gonna feel totally comfortable talking about the fact that you've published 51 different books.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:41

Yes, because they're all helping people.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:43

Like work and your education isn't helping people. Is that what you're trying to tell us?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:47

Not necessarily.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:49

Girl, you a lie. You a lie, girl.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:51

I don't lie. Well, no, but that like I created a workbook that works with foster care kids that have been in abusive situations that is being used in that system. And then we have the stucco squad series that coincide with the stucco squad classes of the academy. Don't start, so that they just work together. We were just given an international award for our academy as the number one trauma-informed academy for survivors of abuse, which was awesome. Yay! Thank you. And that's massive. That's yeah, and long overdue. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:28

So can we go back to face request of YouTube Antering? Because that would be great. Thanks.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:32

No, I think uh we're at the end of our show here.

Where To Find Oh That’s A Fact

SPEAKER_07 1:04:34

But we gotta get Joshua on more often because I've been trying to get him on for a long time.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:40

So, Dr. Joshua.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:42

Oh, good God.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:43

Where can we find my podcast?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:46

Where can you find my podcast? Anywhere you like. Oh, that's a fact is on Spotify and Apple, iTunes, it's on Pandora, it's on Amazon Podcasts, it's everywhere. And how do we look it up? Oh, that's a fact. Joshua Head. Yep, posted by Joshua Head.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:05

Five-star recommendation. Like I couldn't recommend him enough.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:08

Now is that just the letter O or O H?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:11

O H. O-H T H A T S A fact.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:20

Correct. Y'all be sure to check it out because we will promote him.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:24

Left, right, and center. He's amazing.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:26

I appreciate that. And even if you didn't, again, you guys have been so helpful from the very beginning, even before the trailer came out. So I really appreciate all that you guys do for everyone else, and I especially appreciate it and the help you've given me.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:38

So well, you're welcome there, JH.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:40

Much obliged.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:41

Do you have a donation or buy a cup of coffee or something like that on your page?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:46

Nope. I haven't figured out how to put that on my page, but I will I will teach you.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:49

I'll show you how to do it. It doesn't take any time at all.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:52

So then as soon as that happens, I will.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:54

Yeah, absolutely. It's so simple. And you just put it out there and then put the link on, and yeah. We had someone buy. Ice coffee yesterday. That was nice. That helped give we have now given out five hundred and eleven scholarships.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:08

I love that.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:12

Scholarships of the academy.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:14

Of the academy. Oh, here we go again.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:16

And has written over 140.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:18

Seriously. Amazing. What you've done is is nothing short than outrageous.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:23

Thank you. No, on the academy. Did you write? Right. Okay, hold on. Right now, you've got diarrhea of the mouth. Right now, on the academy is like 140 for many different platforms. They're for survivors, they're for special needs, they're for the stucco squad, they're for vets, they're for caregivers.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:43

Amputees.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:44

Amputee is on there too.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:46

But I have bring Michaels gunshot wounds to the leg.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:51

Do that one. That's a great idea. It's right there. Look at it. Look at it.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:59

I need a flying glass. Just look at that.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:03

I'm waiting for my pictures.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:04

Keep waiting. So I have that many out, but I probably have another hundred plus that I haven't uploaded onto the academy yet that I've written.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:15

And these are individual courses?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:17

Uh-huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:21

Can you tell everybody? Can you tell the listener what exactly it is that that each of or what the generals arc of those are going to cover?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:29

They're for survivors of abuse from every stage of when it first happens to this really didn't happen. I know I'm just kind of imagining he didn't just hit me to all the way to securing yourself, securing yourself financially, to your children, how to help your children in this situation. All of the courses are mostly free. Some of them are$5. If people can't afford them, all they have to do is send me a message and I give them a scholarship. No questions asked. All the courses are valued well over$100 a piece. But the problem is that people who are going through special needs situations or have special needs family members or are going through abuse don't have that money. And if you come to me and say, I have$50 at the bank, I got to feed my kids and put gas in my car and get out, you don't have to say anymore. I'm going to give you all of these courses without you asking a thing because this should not hinder on your financial status. This is about helping. And that's why I do it. And so many people are like, but they're so cheap. So they must not be any good. That's not true at all. It's the fact that I'm trying to make them where everybody can get to them and it's a resource for everyone. So, and then we have a whole section for vets, and those are all free as a thank you for service. And then we have for caregivers and amputees. And then we have our other section where it talks about building a podcast and creating your social media footprint and how to do all of those, and those are up there too.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:58

Well, then I'll add my two cents since I also do voiceover work. And that is if there's anyone out there who needs a podcast introduction or an outro. If there's any any promos that you need for books, I'm happy to help support in any way I can. I'm sure we can find a way to make it work for you guys financially. And again, to you and and your courses here if you need me and when.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:21

I adore him. And let me tell you, this is seriously, I'll make sure all of the contact, make sure you give me the contact you want me to put on the show notes because I'll put it out there for people to reach you. I'm not going to give them your number or your email. Just give me what you want them to get. So that this man has done promos for me when we did other things in the past, and he's amazing. He is and you get the radio voice, which is even better. And he might just add in a message to Michael and how Michael is like, you know.

Voice Impressions And Closing Laughs

SPEAKER_05 1:09:48

Any other how could I not?

SPEAKER_09 1:09:50

I know. Do you do any other impressions?

SPEAKER_07 1:09:52

Do you do impressions?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:54

Ho ho ho.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:55

Green join.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:58

Green giant.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:00

My wife would love Sean Connery.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:02

Ooh, can you shake and not stir me?

SPEAKER_09 1:10:05

Hey, well, what easy, crazy?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:07

I don't think I can Sean Connery, but I I could give you a very close second in Kermit the Frog.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:13

Okay. Hi ho. This is uh Joshua Hess coming in from It's Not Easy Being Green podcast where we talk about how to stay on the log. That's right. Michael, if you wouldn't mind moving over, say onto your own the lily pad without splinters, please. That's pretty dang good. That's really good.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:36

I haven't heard Kermit in years.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:39

Not gonna who else do you do?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:44

Who else can I do? This is Casey Casham from America's Top 40.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:50

I haven't heard her forever.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:53

Yeah, I was gonna give you a deep pull there, Michael. Who else?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:57

Oh, Michael ain't a friend. You and the best. Elmo? Yeah! You my friend too! That's amazing!

SPEAKER_07 1:11:12

I bet his daughter had so much fun with him when he was she was growing up.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:16

Right? So with her with her, she got really ticked off in the beginning because she was like, Dad, just use your voice. Use your voice. Don't don't don't speak like you're Russian. Don't speak like you're German. Don't I don't even know where you're from. Just just speak to me. Just tell me, talk to me like you normally do. So I just talk like you're Russian?

SPEAKER_08 1:11:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:37

See, he kind of Nimoga, yeah. Michael.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:43

Can you talk like you're Michael? Oh, he does. Yeah. Can you talk like you're Michael?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:50

I to do it, I would either have to spend a lot of time listening to his voice or see his lips preferably move to see how he's making the sounds and how he how he phrases. Otherwise, it's gonna be very, very quiet.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:04

Thanks, y'all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:08

I love it.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:09

I keep I I've told you before in private, Michael, and I'm gonna put this out there for the podcast as well. And that is, I think you should be on camera too. I think we deserve to see where all of this is coming from. And you always stay so quiet and let Victoria kind of step in. And I love that you're kind of seconding her and co-signing, but honestly, I I think it's a great dynamic, and hearing your voice in there too just makes her shine that that much more.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:35

Okay, number one, she's got a big mouth, she has all the knowledge, so I let her do all most of the talking. Number two, I have been trying to get her to put her face on videos a lot more at podcasting, and he hates doing it because he's not any good at it.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:52

That's what he says.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:53

And you won't go on videos.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:55

You hate podcasting. You said you're no good at it, but everybody loves our dynamic.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:59

Well, then go on videos with me.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:03

What kind of videos are you putting out? On TikTok, you mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:13:06

Uh like Yeah, just our show on YouTube. We normally do it for audio because I want the women to feel safe and comfortable that I don't put their face out there.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:16

But Josh is has been what, the only guest we've had on in months?

SPEAKER_06 1:13:22

With video.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:24

With video.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:25

Well, let's face it. Obviously, Michael, you've seen this before, but to those of you who are just listening, I've got a face for radio.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:33

No, you don't. He has a radio voice. He's got that masculine, deep voice. What are you looking at him like that for? Is this a bro moment?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:43

I need to back out of this is what I'm talking about, Michael. I can't even see if you're giving me googly eyes or not.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:48

He is giving you googly eyes. Like there's a little saliva coming down the side.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:52

It's five o'clock, seven o'clock shadow. It's just a perfect beard across there. Whereas most of us guys have patches.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:59

I I shave for you and everything.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:04

So does my wife.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:06

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:08

Oh my god! As a listener of our show, do you not think he is critically important? Because he says he sucks and he doesn't like he doesn't think he's any good at it.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:20

I I think if you really felt like that, Michael, you probably wouldn't have done the introduction the way you do every single show. So from from the get-go, at the start of every show, we can hear just how important and crucial you are to the podcast in general. I would say you're kind of kind of defeating the purpose of saying you don't sound good or you don't need to be seen or heard. Just saying. From a listener standpoint.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:47

There's some technical difficulty here, Wordy said.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:50

He said, Stop being a douche. You're being a bulba matha.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:54

Oh, what is this bulba matha?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:56

You're being a boba matha.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:01

Well that's enough for me.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:04

You ready for your nap?

SPEAKER_09 1:15:06

No. I'm at work today. So I'll end this. Thank y'all for listening to Contagious Smiles on Stop Hall with Victoria.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:14

No, thank you, Michael. No, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:16

Joshua S.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:25

Oh, that's a fact.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:26

Oh. As in OH. That's a fact.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:31

Highly recommend that.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:32

Oh, that is true.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:34

Oh, that is true. That's a fact.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:36

Y'all be sure to follow and subscribe if he has any of that up in the window.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:39

We're gonna get him a buy me a coffee. We're gonna get that done today.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:42

Yeah, support him.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:43

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:44

We do the same thing for other entrepreneurs wanting to podcast our beak podcasters. My wife has courses. She can teach you how to get your numbers up, and we'll support you any way we can.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:57

And they do. And they do.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:59

Don't stab us in the back. Oh, good grief. You know who that's at. Really?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:05

Yeah, the person who shot Michael in the leg, obviously. He needs to be taken out onto the range and into a target.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:12

Yeah. I should have given him a card to listen to the show. Really? I thanked him. I I shook his hand. I said, thank you for shooting me. He said, I never shot anybody before.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:24

The good news is it sounds like he still hasn't. Question mark.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:27

Oh no, it has.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:30

I want pictures. So put it up. Link the pictures in the show notes, please, so that we can all see exactly what's going on.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:38

It's not even the size of like a millimeter.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:40

When you say my gunshot wound is starting to scab, that's kind of cheesy.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:43

It's not even gonna scab. And I pushed, and then he's worried about lead poisoning.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:51

On our next episode of lead poisoning is is really the truth. Come on, Michael. Come on.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:58

Thank you, Dr. Joe.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:59

Here we go.

unknown 1:17:01

There he is.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:02

Michael's at Please come back again. I don't want to wait another year or two or three to get you on here. I've been trying to get him on here forever. Shut up. You see what I deal with?

SPEAKER_05 1:17:15

I do. I really well, no, I can't see him, but I hear all of it now.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:19

Could you at least put your face here for a second? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:23

Snoopy.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:24

Yeah, Snoopy. His shirt is perfect. It says I'll do it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:29

Good to see you, man.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:32

Thank you, everybody.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:37

Oh, grief.